Silver Lining
by SkippingSteppingStones
Summary: When Vader is badly damaged by a sudden punishment from his master, he finds himself trapped in an Alderaanian hospital. But his wait becomes more bearable when the planet's young princess pays the patients a visit.
1. Chapter 1

Vader lay still, trying not to move. He was trying to sense the whole galaxy at once, if only so he could block out the all-too-present reality of his own body.

And this was a good place to do it.

It was a beautiful planet, he knew, and it made him feel all the more wretched for marring its surface with _himself_.

The disgusting, ruined, evil _thing_ he was now.

How long would it have been now, he wondered, since he had last sat with Obi-Wan, and joked about being a blessing to any planet he graced with his presence? How long since Padmé would have laughed, and agreed?

He choked on tears, and pain wracked his body again. Cursing himself, he struggled to get his already regulated breathing properly under control, staring through blurry, unfocused eyes at the ceiling of his hospital room.

His whole body ached, and for the first time in years, he caught himself wanting his mother.

He had known Palpatine would be a cruel master, quick to anger, easy to disappoint, and nearly impossible to satisfy, but the sensation of lightning tearing into his body from a galaxy away, leaving him twitching and broken on the floor was too much. It was a caliber of cruelty he had not experienced since he had been a child, unable to earn such punishment, but always with his mother to crawl back to.

Always with her existence to comfort him, to force him to breathe deeply, and stand back up, and continue the fight.

And now she was gone. And his wife was gone, and his teacher, the man who had raised him, who had claimed to _love_ him….

And how could Obi-Wan have pretended for so long? It must have been real on some level, some all too clear and consuming level… So clear in the way Obi-Wan had treated him, covering up his failings to meet the Jedi code, allowing him to continue to see Padmé when it must have been so _obvious_.

Padmé. He wanted her with him. She had once sat next to him in the hospital, stroking his hair as he had struggled to accept the loss of his limb. He remembered her moving the prosthetic, hiding her discomfort at its cold inhuman state to hold it, manipulating his fingers slowly, helping him learn to move it himself.

She would have hated what he'd become.

He closed his eyes, trying to imagine her before him now, horror and fury twisting her familiar face.

She had hated him on the landing platform. And he _knew_ that he deserved nothing better! He was a killer, a murderer, a torturer, a _Sith._ He deserved hatred. He deserved torture, and isolation, and the loss of everything he had been, and everyone he had ever loved.

He deserved it, he deserved it, he deserved it.

He was hunching, sending agony through every inch of his decimated body all over again as he tried to hide from that truth. He had never deserved Padmé, but it didn't change how badly he wanted her back.

"This room."

Vader froze, his eyes still squeezed shut, and his nerves still on fire.

Who was that?

"Sweetheart, I think there are other patients who'll be more responsive," answered another voice, and Vader recognized the tone of someone who knew who he was, in comparison with the girl.

Of course they shouldn't enter this room. She was only a child, and he didn't deserve to be visited.

But part of him wanted it, in spite of himself. He was alone because he deserved nothing better, but once, he had had company when in pain. People had cared for him, and been with him, and he had thought it would always be that way.

"Him," the child's voice said. "He's alone."

There was a pause, before the man answered. "Alright, sweetheart. Be brave."

"I always am," she said, and Vader could hear a smile in her little voice, and struggled to contain one of his own. "Boost me onto the bed before you go?"

"Of course," he said, and Vader tensed as he felt the bed move as the girl was placed next to him.

"Hello, sir," the girl said, and Vader felt her slowly lift his hand.

Carefully, he managed to open his eyes again, and looked up at the girl, and her father standing over them both, a protective hand on her shoulder.

She looked like an angel, the sun silhouetting her from the small window, shining through the frizz of her braided hair like a halo. Her face was gentle, inviting, as though she was allowing him to tell her all his troubles so she could take them away.

"Hello, princess," he croaked back, doing his best to make his voice audible, but suspecting that he had failed.

He wasn't meant for talking, without Vader's persona and power, the strength he no longer had for himself.

Bail was looking increasingly uncomfortable, seeming ready to snatch his daughter back off the bed at a moment's notice.

"Do not… worry," Vader said, meeting his gaze to the best of his impaired vision. "I will not… harm her."

"I can _do_ a hospital visit," the girl added, turning back to her father with exasperation.

For another moment, he watched Vader, as though waiting for some tic that would prove him dangerous, as though his history had not already done that. Then he bent, and gently kissed the girl's forehead.

"Alright, Leia. I'll see you in a few hours."

The little girl smiled up at him, craning her neck to kiss his cheek, "I'll see you," she said brightly.

Watching them part, Vader suddenly remembered his own daughter, the child who had died with Padmé, and he felt a jab of jealousy.

After _everything_ he had done, to save Padmé, to stabilize the galaxy for their child, he had _failed_ , and it had gone to waste. His hard work, his pain, his losses were now this girl's gains. He had earned nothing, and she had benefitted from all of it, and had no idea.

He squeezed her hand, painfully drawing it to his chest.

This was what he'd wanted, really. He hadn't only wanted to save the galaxy for himself, there had been a thought given to the children his daughter would play with, care about, and know.

He had wanted to save the galaxy.

And if a child could sit on his bed, and hold his hand, he hadn't failed yet.

"My name is Princess Leia Organa," the girl said softly, in a clearly practiced bedside tone.

As though any kind of bedside manner was necessary for him. Vader would have almost liked to express amusement, but he suddenly realized that it seemed he'd forgotten how.

"Hello."

"I'm doing some visits today," she informed him, leaning against his side.

Vader took a deep breath, steadying his façade against the pain of the little girl's weight. "Is that so."

"Yes," she nodded, rubbing his hand again. "I'd like to sit with you a while."

He smiled slightly, his mouth barely moving, uncooperative when faced with the forgotten expression. "You may."

She nodded, and shifted her legs out from under her, curling up against him, her long hair falling over the blanket.

She was so beautiful, he thought, reaching up to gently touch her cheek, making her smile, then giggle, and push his hand back to his chest. She was here, an image of the galaxy he fought to protect, the recipient of the positive aspects of his every action. His success.

"So, the princess of Alderaan," he said slowly, and she smiled, before grabbing a fistful of hair in each hand, and twisting it up into a messy facsimile of a royal hairstyle.

"Yep!"

He laughed, and the action tore through his throat, so painfully similar to Palpatine's punishment. Why did it have to be this way, why did Palpatine have to take _everything_ away!

But the little girl's smile was fading into concern, and she was leaning in, looking worriedly into his face, and he was able to see her properly for the first time.

She almost looked like Padmé.

"Do not be concerned," he said, daring to try to shake his head.

"You're hurt," she murmured, and small, cool fingers gently touched his face.

He captured her hand, folding it in his own, "Think nothing of it."

"But this wasn't an _accident,"_ she begged, squeezing his hand, her brow wrinkling with worry.

Such innocence. That she would see that, and worry for him, not be driven into hatred. She was coddled, he supposed, carefully reaching out to put an arm around her, drawing her closer to his field of vision.

"The galaxy can be cruel, little one. I am glad of the rest."

"I'll sit with you," she promised, "I'll come see you every day!"

"There is no need of that," he shook his head, "Although I would appreciate it."

She nodded determinedly, before cuddling up to him again, seeming almost frightened of his scars, his wounds…

Feeling her anxiety acutely, he began to stroke her head, trying his best to be reassuring.

"Tell me about your planet, princess."

"You're not from here?" she asked, her eyes opening wide, confused.

"I am from far, far away," Vader answered. "I do not belong here, but due to my injuries, I cannot be moved."

She nodded gravely, pressing herself dangerously close to his hidden chest panel as she reached out to hold a hand in each of hers.

"It's beautiful. There're lots of gardens, and trees to climb, and Winter and I like to go play in the waterfalls. Sometimes we gotta do politics stuff, though…" she trailed off, picking at a scab on her arm, "Vader was here a few days ago."

"Is that so?" Vader asked, his hand stopping against his will. What had Palpatine told the galaxy? All Vader knew was that he had failed, and been brutally punished _immediately_ , his transgression so great that Palpatine had been unwilling to wait until he was somewhere he could be retrieved from.

"Yeah," the girl said. "He disappeared, though… we don't know where he is."

She frowned, gripping Vader's hands, and clinging to him as if for safety, before sitting up, and meeting his eyes with determination. "But we'll keep you safe! Wherever he is, Dad's gonna find him, and make him go back to space, and then we'll all be okay!"

He smiled again, feeling her words twisting in his gut. She was safe because of what _he'd_ done, but it still wasn't enough for her to see past the mask…

Or perhaps she had, and what she'd seen there had scared her just as much.

"I know you will," he told her. "Your father is a good man, and a great leader."

He remembered his wife's friendship with the king of Alderaan, sitting in on their discussions of reform for the galactic senate, to make it less vulnerable to corruption. Holding Padmé on his lap afterwards, and tickling her while she tried, between laughter, to explain their conversation to him.

Bail was like Padmé, in a way. He could be trusted with power, wouldn't go mad with it, as the Jedi had, as Palpatine had, as Vader caught himself doing.

"And I'll help," Leia agreed, pillowing her head on her arm, still resting over him, though he hardly noticed the pain now.

"I am confident that you will," he agreed, smiling at her again. She was so small, so young, so clearly afraid of Vader, but she would make these promises to the vulnerable citizens of her planet. "You will be a great leader."

She smiled, and Vader watched her eyelids droop as she slipped her little hand into his.

"You seem tired," he said, remembering their earlier conversation, "Were you up late, playing with your friend?"

She yawned, before nestling back against him, "M…maybe…"

"And I suppose your father didn't know?" he asked. It was strange, he liked this girl more than he wanted to admit to himself. She was just enough like his younger self had been, but perhaps her father's political ways had rubbed off on her enough to remind him of Padmé…

She smiled sheepishly, "No…"

He shook his head slightly, laying his arms over her, and tucking her in a spare fold of a blanket, "I will wake you before he returns."

She pushed herself up suddenly, and he gasped at the pressure.

A look of guilt washed over her face, and she mumbled an apology, before scooting up on her knees, and carefully kissing his forehead.

"Thank you," she whispered, still looking ashamed.

He shook his head, folding his arms around her again, "Think nothing of it, princess."

She nodded sleepily, her little fists moving, until she grasped a handful of blankets in each, and she fell still, her eyes sliding closed.

"Vader will not harm you," he promised, slowly stroking her head, and watching as her mouth slipped open somewhat as she drifted off. "No one will."

She was the age his and Padmé's child would have been… and she had come to him, to sit on his bed, and speak with him, and had been willing to fall asleep on his chest.

And he reached out to the Force, swirling it around them, and prodding her sleeping consciousness gently.

Force sensitive, as he had suspected.

She didn't seem to know, though, and he tightened his arms around her, deciding that Palpatine could weather the existence of just one Force sensitive child in the galaxy.

She had sensed, on some level, that he would be safe to sleep next to, despite her obvious fear of Vader.

Perhaps… he would allow himself to pretend, just for now, just until he was sent back to the Empire… that she was his, and he deserved to hold her. That he deserved to even see a child, after all he'd done.

She murmured something in his sleep, and he smiled, closing his eyes as well.

His last thought before he drifted off was that he wouldn't be able to warn her about her father's return.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to my guest commenter sneggz for letting me know Bail isn't king, he's viceroy! I'll be fixing that when I go back to make the trigger warning/headcanon/au thingy.

Vader was seated on his bed, the back raised, and eating a rare, small meal when the princess next visited.

The door to the small, sealed room opened, and Vader froze, looking up towards it.

Was it Palpatine? Back to claim him, to take him back to the Empire, and return him to duty? Part of him longed to be back on the front lines, _doing_ something, but he was also enjoying this time, to merely reflect, plan new ways to manage his forces, to minimize casualties.

He had been studying the planet, as best he could, from his bed, his realization about its leader. Perhaps, even without Padmé at his side, he could at least attempt to implement their strategies in the Empire, to the limited extent he had power.

As soon as the door was a couple of feet open, a small figure dashed in, and he felt himself smile at the flicker of white clothes, before the princess was scrambling up over the foot of the bed.

"Hello," he said, putting down his food, and gesturing to her to come nearer.

The princess crawled up the bed, her limbs flying around with perhaps more vigor than absolutely necessary, until she flopped down beside him.

"You're up!" she said, her eyes sparkling.

"I certainly am," he said, "You seem to be more 'up' than last time as well."

She laughed, throwing her head back, and Vader was nearly overwhelmed by the outpouring of mirth. "I am! Winter said we had to stay in and sleep last night!"

"What a spoilsport." He smiled, offering her a piece of his meal, which she eagerly accepted.

"Winter _usually_ knows best," Leia said, rolling her eyes as she took a bite. "She doesn't like you, though," she added, her expression becoming contemplative.

Vader allowed himself to ignore, for the moment, why the little girl's friend disliked him. "I suppose she can't always be right, can she?"

"No," Leia agreed, and Vader helped her to delicately lean against his legs.

"How have you fared, since your last visit?" Vader asked, beginning to eat again. It felt good to share a meal with someone again, after all these years. It felt good to eat properly at all, if he was honest with himself. His master saw to it that he was nourished enough to survive, and battle, but usually merely with flavourless pastes, or supplements.

"Me and Winter went with Mom and Dad to space…" Leia said slowly, chewing absently at the last few strands of meat on the bone he'd given her. "We gotta see lots of cool animals and some neat bugs, and Dad got me a plant…"

Vader smiled as Leia began sucking the bone, and gently pulled it away from her, passing her a juice packet instead.

He would still get the nutrients he needed. It was worth going somewhat hungry, to share with someone again.

"Perhaps, one day, when I am free of this place, I will send you some more interesting plants," he offered, taking the hand she wasn't using to eat, and squeezing it.

He loved the sensation of her small, pudgy, warm hand in his. She was alive, and the softness it leant her was more comforting than anything in the galaxy. More reassuring than any army, or promise of incoming reinforcements.

"Where're you from?" Leia asked around her straw, wiggling her fingers slightly in his hand.

"A very long way away," he answered. "Nothing grows, on the planet I call home, but I get around."

"I'd like some neat plants," she said, pausing for a moment before adding, "When you go away, will I ever see you again?"

Vader sighed, placing his food aside, and drawing her closer, to feel her warmth in his arms for a moment. "It is… unlikely," he admitted.

At least, it was unlikely that she would recognize him, or that he would wish for her to do so. When next he saw her, he would be Vader again, a man she was rightly terrified of.

He felt her exhale, and she leaned her head back against his chest.

"I have some time yet, youngling," he assured her, spreading a clicking prosthetic to look at her small hand in contrast, rested in his palm.

A few of her nails still held flakes of old nail polish, and he smiled to himself, closing his hand over hers again, and rubbing at those remains. She was a little girl, and royalty, all wrapped up in one, and he wondered for a moment if this was how Padmé would have raised their child.

She had been on royal duty recently, if the remains of a manicure were anything to go on, but now she seemed to be taking a day away from her position.

"Did your father send you visiting again?" he asked, pushing away his meal tray, and carefully manoeuvering the little girl onto his lap.

She shook her head, finding the edge of his control panel, and feeling at it curiously. "He said to make myself busy."

"And you came to visit me?" Vader smiled, stroking her hair as she turned to look back up at him.

The girl nodded, "Yeah… I sorta like you…"

"Well, I have certainly become fond of you," Vader agreed. "I was to have a child, once."

The words were out before he could think about them, and he cringed, tightening his arms around his friend in pain. He hadn't meant to tell her that, he'd been trying to keep it inside, in the darkest corner of his heart, from which it couldn't hurt him.

"Really?" Leia asked, sounding fascinated by the very concept.

She was young, he told himself. She didn't realize how painful it was to know that he _should_ have been a father, but had lost the opportunity. And perhaps she hadn't thought of him having even the potential to be a parent, given the state she saw him in now.

"It was long ago," Vader attempted to brush off.

"You miss them."

The princess was gazing up at him intensely, and Vader had a terrible feeling for a moment, as though she could see into his soul, and all the darkest corners where he stashed his pain.

He opened his mouth, to try to dismiss it again.

"No!" she interjected, grabbing his hand, and pulling it to her chest, "You _miss_ them! You miss your baby!"

He sighed, squeezing her back. "I do." He closed his eyes, tucking his head down to hers, feeling the movement of her stomach as she breathed, and just the presence of a child in his arms… "I miss her, and I miss her mother. But they're gone." He tried to swallow, and nearly choked. "They're gone, Leia. They've been gone so long."

Leia let out another breath, and Vader allowed himself to reach to the Force to see her, to know what she was doing, because it was easier than opening his eyes.

In his mind's eye, he saw himself, sat on his bed, and the little girl in his arms. Her face had fallen, and she'd pressed her ear to his chest, looking shaken as she gripped at his hospital gown.

"I'm sorry, Princess," he mumbled, gripping her tighter.

He hadn't meant to let it out, to tell her about the child he'd lost, to let a baby in on such a loss.

But it was out now, and it almost felt good not to have to carry that pain alone anymore.

"I'm sorry," she echoed, and Vader barely contained a sob as she adjusted her grip on his gown, her touch indistinguishable from any other child in the galaxy, or any that _could_ have existed.

"I… I'm scared," she mumbled.

Vader managed to take a breath, forcing his eyes open to look back down at her, wishing to comfort the only being in the galaxy who gave a damn about comforting him.

"I wanna _help_ ," Leia insisted, meeting his eyes with her own, brimming with tears, and oh-so-earnest, before she looked away, ashamed, "But I dunno how."

Vader sighed, pulling her back to his chest, and rocking her slowly, "There is very little that _can_ be done," he admitted.

"I wanna help," Leia repeated.

Vader shook his head, pulling her close once more, twirling her long hair between his fingers.

Like his own child. She was like his baby might have been, if she'd lived, if she'd had even a chance at life.

"May I braid your hair?" he asked, finally.

Maybe, as long as he was letting himself pretend, as long as Leia was a stand in for his daughter…

"Huh?" Leia turned up to him, confusion written in every line of her face.

Vader swallowed, supressing a feeling of silliness as he stroked her hair back again, "May I braid it? I used to braid my wife's hair, when life got hard…"

"You may," Leia whispered, and Vader cradled her as she leaned back against his chest, his arms remaining wrapped around her as he began to braid.

Relaxing into Vader's arm, Leia whispered to the empty room, "What was she like?"

"She was beautiful," Vader answered, watching as his muscle memory carried through the old, intricate gestures. "She was a leader, and an incredible woman. I would have trusted her with my life, and any other life put in my care."

He remembered Padmé's friendship with Ahsoka, the way she'd used to hold the apprentice in her arms and reassure her, or help her to navigate the galaxy. Padmé and Ahsoka, laughing together, panting after a short spell of chasing one another about.

It had been then, seeing Padmé love and care for the girl, that he had realized he wanted to be a parent one day.

He had known everything his mother hadn't had to share with him, and he had wanted to give it to a child of his own. He had raised Ahsoka to the best of his ability, trying to avoid Obi-Wan's mistakes, to protect her from the errors of the Jedi.

And a part of him, all along, had told himself that the trials meant that it would be that much easier to raise his own baby.

"There," he said, surprising himself somewhat as he withdrew his hands, and looked at his work, Leia's hair all curled, and balanced atop her head, in one of the styles Padmé had liked when hairpins were unavailable.

"I wanna see!" Leia chirped, reaching up to feel at her hair.

Vader let her, her curious fingers following curls and braids, knowing that it would stand up to it.

"I suppose," he said slowly, before shifting her aside, and labouring to get his legs over the edge of the bed.

He hadn't stood since he'd been brought in, but there was a mirror in the 'fresher, and if he could just walk her to it…

It would be worth however much it might hurt.

He looked back, and saw her looking at him, full of apprehension.

He managed to force a smile, offering her his hand, "Come on, Princess. We'll get you a look at that, yet."

Still looking nervous, she crawled across the bed, and accepted his hand, slipping to the floor.

"Don't be frightened, little one," he said, gripping her hand tightly as his metal feet clacked against the floor. "I have been in this state for a very long time."

"It doesn't… hurt?" Leia asked, reaching up to gently touch his waist, clearly sensing where the human parts of his body remained.

Vader laughed, and knelt, lifting the little princess in his arms, ignoring the pain. For now, it was worth it.

To wrangle strength he didn't have, to feign confidence.

"I hardly feel it, anymore."

She laughed, but she sounded so uncertain, and Vader's heart clenched as he watched her fists tighten in his gown.

"It is only a few steps," he murmured, although he was unsure if he was reassuring her, or himself. "Only a few steps."

He managed to take one, clinging to Leia for reassurance.

He wasn't meant to motivate himself anymore. He was Palpatine's toy, to own and manipulate as he wished, to control completely.

And while he had gotten away with his past meeting with Leia, by virtue of its lack of a strenuous nature, he was far more likely to be caught by this.

But he would be found out eventually regardless, and have this taken from him again. For now, he wanted to savour it, to have a daughter in every way he could, until it was no longer possible.

Another unsteady step, and he managed to catch himself on the doorframe, stumbling inside, and hurriedly lowering the little girl to the sink, before his arms could give out.

Panting, he managed to look up at the mirror, taking in his pale, scarred face, tinged nearly scarlet by the pain and exertion of getting this far without the drugs that kept Darth Vader fully functional.

"Th… there," he panted, looking down at the girl's reflection.

She was silent, a huge smile spread across her face as she looked at her hair, before slowly, cautiously standing up in the sink basin, leaning closer to the mirror.

"C…careful, there," Vader said, unsteadily reaching up to support the girl.

"I look like _mommy!"_ Leia gasped, touching her hair again, twirling a strand around a pair of little fingers.

"Then your mother must… be very beautiful," Vader managed, stumbling away from the sink, and shakily lowering himself to the toilet, his legs feeling like jelly under him.

"I think she was," Leia said, slowly crouching down to be safer in the sink basin, and turning to look at Vader. "I never knew her."

"Oh, little one…" Vader sighed, reaching out to touch the girl's cheek, to cup her face in his hand, and protect her somehow from the galaxy at large. "Little one…. I _understand…_ "

Leia nodded, and now there were tears on her cheeks, and Vader wasn't sure if his heart could take it. He had told her about his own pain, and she had kept hers until now, and it was his job to _protect_ this little girl in any way he could…

Shaking with exertion and emotion, he held his arms out, and the girl crawled back to him, and he slumped, exhausted, with her held to his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

A guest asked me Leia's age, and I usually answer these sorts of questions in PM, but…. I guess around…. Six, maybe? I don't really know. She's still very little.

Vader met Leia in the lobby of the hospital.

His mind wasn't working quite the way he liked it to, and he wasn't sure how he knew she was going to be there. Had she told him? Or had someone else? Or, had it been the Force? But what mattered to him was that he _did_ know, somehow, and he'd been able to wrestle a tank of oxygen onto a trolley, and come meet her.

The moment she stepped through the door, her head turned towards him, and her eyes lit up as she slipped her hand from her father's, and dashed over.

Smiling as she scrambled over a low section in the row of seats between them, Vader bent down, and caught the little princess in his arms.

Bail looked after his daughter, and for a moment, Vader sensed his suspicion, before his world was enveloped in his little friend's smile.

"Hello, Leia," he said, smiling at her as she clung to him. "It has been too long."

The girl giggled, grabbing the hand he'd cupped her chin in, and pressing closer to it. "I had to do lotsa meetings," she explained, squeezing his fingers before releasing him, and scrambling back off his lap, to the seat next to him.

"But now you've returned," he said, still smiling.

He felt foolish, sometimes, when he thought too hard about how he acted with the girl. He was dependent on her visits in a way he hadn't thought himself capable anymore, and were his master to discover his fondness for the girl, it would certainly be exploited. And if his fellow patients new his true identity…

But for now, it didn't matter.

Leia _loved_ him, she loved him enough to visit often, and he wouldn't waste his opportunity to be cared for.

"Hello, Bail," he said, as the viceroy sat down on Vader's other side.

He allowed himself not to look at him, not to see how much he still looked like he had before Vader had destroyed the galaxy. Not to see the concern with which he watched his daughter's friendship.

"Leia insisted on coming to see you," the senator said, and Vader watched as he reached over him, to gather the little girl.

"I appreciate her visits," he admitted, and he caught himself sounding like a slave again. His heart and soul were crying out, begging not to lose his only friend, and it had slunk into his voice, like a whimper for pity.

"You are not meant to be out of bed," Bail chastised him, and Vader accepted Leia's hand as she stretched out towards him.

"I… I thought I'd like a walk in the garden."

He wished he could have sounded bolder, or gathered something from the other man's words, to make him feel as though he had any power in the situation at all.

But the fact was that Bail could easily have him removed, or take Leia away, and Vader could only beg him not to. It was a step that Bail didn't seem to wish to cause him pain, as Palpatine did, but if he was deemed dangerous to Leia…

"I love her," he murmured, squeezing Leia's hand as the girl squirmed in her father's arms, attempting to reach Vader's lap.

At his words, Bail sighed, and released the girl, standing up again. "And so you do. I will be touring the facilities," he added, looking down at his daughter. "You'll know where to find me, if you need to."

"I will," Leia agreed, looking up at him, her hand still in his, and confusion written all over her face. "Why?"

"Hopefully no reason, sweetheart," he answered, and Vader watched in silent shame as he bent, and kissed the little girl's forehead, before stepping away.

As Bail walked off, Vader closed his eyes, bowing his head to Leia's as he held her.

He knew he didn't deserve her. He knew he shouldn't have been out of bed waiting for her. He knew he couldn't expect to see her, and get to hold her, but he'd let himself _imagine_. Because he could hold her in his arms, and love her, and kiss her forehead and braid her hair, and to _her_ , it could be real and worthwhile.

"I love you, Leia," he mumbled again, pressing his face to her head, though his breath mask got in the way somewhat.

"I… I know," Leia mumbled, and Vader felt her turn in his arms, craning her neck up to place a kiss on his cheek. "I dunno why Daddy…" she trailed off, and Vader felt her take his hand, working his fingers and clinging to him.

"I do," he sighed, clinging to her for dear life, for sanity, for any reason to hold on at all.

"I wanna go to the gardens," Leia mumbled, and Vader took a deep breath, the oxygen mask screeching as he demanded more air than it wanted to deliver.

"Yes," he agreed, knowing she'd said it because of his own mention of the gardens earlier.

Slowly, cautiously, he lowered her to the floor, and managed to drag himself to his feet. He didn't want to admit that this was hard. It wasn't his interest to frighten her any further.

And her little hand stayed in his, the other one reaching for the oxygen tank, as if to pull it.

Smiling fondly, he found his eyes suddenly full of tears, and gently swatted her away. "Too heavy," he explained simply, trying to disguise his pain.

"Too heavy," Leia agreed in a mumble, and Vader took the handle, beginning to pull it after them.

"I'm sorry you had to witness that," he said, looking dead ahead, although he was navigating with the Force more than his worthless eyes, still full of tears and heat damage.

"I don't… wanna talk about it…" Leia mumbled, and Vader found her slinking closer to his leg, as the wheels of the oxygen tank slowly rattled across the tiled flooring.

"Then, we will not," he promised, and Leia nodded, clearly trying to be brave as she wrapped a fist in his gown.

"I like gardens," she declared suddenly, too loudly.

"I do as well," Vader agreed, slipping his free hand from hers to slowly stroke her hair as he hauled the oxygen tank. "My wife loved flowers of all varieties," he told her, slipping his hand down to her shoulder, to simply hold her close. "But she had terrible allergies."

Leia giggled, and Vader managed a smile again, remembering Padmé sniffling, and struggling to talk, but refusing to leave the gardens of the palace. The intense way she had researched every flower that was allowed to enter her apartment on Coruscant, so that it could be full of life, without bringing about her death.

They stepped through a door, and out into the garden, and for a moment, Vader's eyes transmitted such an unusual amount of colour and beauty that he forgot, for a moment, that they were functionally useless.

He remembered sharply, as he walked into a low fence, and was stopped dead.

From behind him, there was another little explosion of giggles, and he chuckled, catching the fence to support himself on for a moment.

"Made a… little mistake there," he said, reaching back for Leia as he tried to minimize the sensory input enough to access the Force. "I'm going to need your help here, Princess."

He felt Leia's hands catch his, and allowed himself to close his eyes, shutting out the sights he couldn't properly see, and merely clinging to his friend.

"That… was a lot," he sighed, pausing for a moment, before daring to take a step, still relying on Leia to guide him.

A few more unsteady steps, and he managed to touch the Force again, allowing his utilitarian grasp of it to guide his steps, before he dared to open his eyes again.

The garden overflowed with colour, with the life Padmé had so dearly loved, and he pulled Leia over to a planter, cautiously perching on its edge for a moment as he tried to breathe properly, and take it in.

He wished he could smell it, although he knew it would have only made the overload worse.

"Let's rest here, a second," he told Leia, and the girl nodded, just within his range of vision.

He sighed, slumping slowly, and allowing himself to look down at the blurry flowers around his fingers.

"Your planet is very beautiful," he told her, as she came to rest her head on his knee, little fingers slipping into the flowers beside his own hand.

"Daddy says it's the most beautiful in the galaxy," Leia agreed, and Vader caught a glimpse of soft, dark eyes, so much like Padmé's, as the girl looked up to the sky.

Vader chuckled, stroking her hair. "I am not certain I would say that… My wife would not be pleased if I found somewhere more beautiful than her home."

"What about your home?" Leia asked, and Vader found the smear that was her eyes as she looked up at him.

"Where I live?" He asked, laughing in incredulity, "Or where I am from? Neither are very pleasant, Princess."

"Oh," she sighed, and Vader watched as she slowly plucked a flower, and twirled it before her eyes.

"May I see it?" he asked, cautiously leaning down to within her reach.

She gave him a smile, and he was close enough to distinguish between her teeth, and barely recognize a spattering of freckles before she lifted the flower to almost touch his mask, and twirled it slowly.

"It's a starblossom," Leia told him, and he reached up to accept it, the stem slipping between his fingerpads, and getting somewhat lost in the workings of the prosthetic.

"You killed it!" Leia laughed, grabbing for his hand, to try to work it back out.

"It slipped," Vader laughed, spreading his hand out, and using the Force to try to pull the organic matter out before it could cause any damage.

"There," Leia said, taking the mangled flower in her palm, and folding his hand back into a fist, "I got it."

"Thank you," Vader smiled, and the flower lifted itself from Leia's hand, tucking itself behind her ear, the tattered stem safely out of sight. "I don't know what I'll do without you," he added, wistfully.

Leia's face fell, and she let out a little, wordless mumble, before straightening up, and offering her hand.

"Thank you," he sighed, pulling himself up, and taking the oxygen tank again, before beginning to hobble out of the gardens, into a large field, surrounded by hedges, which he presumed hid a fence.

Maybe just… sitting under a tree again would be nice…

"Come, little one," he said, and he took a shaky step off the path. It felt wrong, under a prosthetic foot, so used to flat ground, and the added surface area of boots. A glance down told him the spindly appendage had sunk somewhat into the ground, damp after a recent rain, and he laughed.

Another unsteady step, and he allowed himself to try to run, feeling the oxygen tank bumping along the ground behind him.

"Wait!" Leia cried, and he laughed again, looking back at her, before the movement caught up with him, and he stumbled to a stop, aching all over.

Why did it have to hurt? Why did finally having a moment to enjoy his life, and someone to enjoy it with, have to hurt so much?

The girl had caught up now, taking his hand, and dragging him further towards the tree he had picked out, and he swallowed his pain, allowing her to drag him.

He just… wanted to have fun. This once. Before going back to being Vader in full, Palpatine's slave, without a will of his own or any reason to continue, save that he was told to.

Reaching the tree, he tripped, and nearly fell to the ground, every inch of his being tensing up in anticipation of the landing-

But it didn't occur.

He found himself hanging, a mere foot from the ground, and saw the princess, her arms raised, and eyes wide, staring at what she'd done.

Taking a deep breath, he looked her in the eyes, blurry and indistinct though they were.

"Alright, Leia. You may put me down, now."

She shook her head slowly, still looking frantic as she inched closer.

"It's alright," he promised, reaching out in the Force himself, to reinforce her frightened grip. "I have it under control now."

She had stopped responding, staring at him, her hands shaking as she kept them trained on him, and he sighed.

Closing his eyes, he gathered her touch from the Force, disentangling himself from her power, and lowering his body to the grass. Then he reached back to the Force, and stroked her mind in comfort, tucking her power away, back into her heart and soul, before he dared to open his eyes.

She was crying.

"Oh, no, Leia…" he murmured, and he reached out again, swirling the little body into his arms, and cradling her to his chest. "No, little one… it's alright…"

She gave another sob, burying her face against him, and he felt his heart ache again. Lovingly stroking her hair back, he nuzzled the breath mask to her forehead in place of a kiss.

"It's alright, Princess… It was perfectly natural, I've known you were Force sensitive for quite some time."

The girl didn't stop shaking, and Vader sighed, leaning back against the tree, and holding her close, rocking her slowly, and murmuring soft words to her.

"You're safe, little one… you're safe… I know, I understand…"

Leia took a gasping breath, and looked up at him, her wide eyes begging for reassurance.

"Shh…" he said, "Shh… I know."

"I c-caught you," Leia whispered, her lip still wobbling with barely supressed tears.

"You did," Vader agreed, "And I thank you for it."

"I d… didn't know I could do that," she admitted, twisting her hands together.

"Your skill startled me, as well," Vader admitted. "Would you like to summon your father?"

She took a deep, shaky breath, and shook her head, her little body falling back against his in reassurance.

"Alright, youngling," he murmured, closing his eyes, and merely feeling the galaxy around him, and the strength of the little girl in his arms. "Alright…"

After a few minutes of rocking and comfort, Vader slowly released his grasp on the girl, letting her lean away from his chest.

"Would you like to go find some more flowers?"

Leia shifted her hands in her lap uncertainly again, and he felt a stab of guilt that she seemed anxious about even moving now, lest her powers reactivate.

He reached out and gently touched her cheek, trying to reassure her with mere physical interaction.

"If you do, I will braid your hair with them, and begin to explain the Force to you."


	4. Chapter 4

Vader was awoken by a soft thump, from the corner of his room. Immediately alert, he lay paralyzed in his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

If this was a rebel operative, or even one of his master's men, here to finally finish him off… They had a perfect opportunity. He was trapped, with somewhere between 'little' and 'no' range of motion, his recent voyage to the gardens with the princess having proved to be more than his body could take at the moment.

After a few terrified, painful moments, he began to push himself up, just in time to hear a small sniffle from under the window.

"Princess?" he asked uncertainly, leaning forwards, trying to see her in the scant moonlight.

"Ow," the little girl mumbled in reply.

Immediately, Vader's panic dispersed, and he reached out to the little girl, probing at her little body for damage from her fall.

"My knee hurts," Leia said pathetically, still lying where she'd fallen.

Vader sighed, slowly lying back. He would have liked to sit, to speak to his little friend, but even that was unadvisable, his doctor had told him. Closing his eyes, he swept the Force around the girl again, lifting her, and carrying her across the room, to rest on the bed next to him.

"What are you doing here, at this time of night?" he asked her, looking into her face, which was streaked with tears.

"I think I skinned my knee," Leia mumbled, looking ashamed, and drawing her knee up towards Vader's face, revealing a torn pyjama pant leg.

"Oh, no," he said, utterly forgetting how unconcerned he would have been if that had been his _own_ injury. Carefully, he tucked back the tattered fabric, and got a look at the wound. "This may sting," he warned.

"O…okay," Leia mumbled, putting her little hand over his.

Reaching out in the Force again, he identified any notable piece of grit, and carefully pulled them out, wrapping them in a tissue that sat beside his bed, and hiding them from view.

"Alright, little one. Just a bit of debris… you're alright."

At his words, though, Leia took another mighty sniffle, and reached out to him, asking to be held.

"Oh, dear," he sighed, folding her in his arms. He had to know why she was there, if her father knew, what she was trying to achieve. But right now, it mattered more to him to simply hold her, and tend to her injuries, and comfort her.

"I h…had a bad dream!" Leia gasped, and Vader felt her tremble with the desperation of her breath.

Vader nodded, carefully tucking his thin blanket over the little girl as well.

"You need not fear it, princess. I will protect you."

He bent his head, and kissed her forehead gently, caressing her mind with the Force, and trying to lull her into comfort.

A moment ago, he had feared for his life, but even in this weakened state, he could hold a child in his arms, and assure them that it would be all right. He was _Vader_ , after all. He was built to fight, and much as most of that architecture wasn't with him at the moment, neither was the guidance of what he had to fight for.

For now, he had his own, personal mission. Protect Leia.

"Do you wish to tell me about your dream?" he asked, looking down at her distressed face.

She bit her lip, and slowly shook her head, reaching out to touch his hospital gown. She opened her mouth, as if to explain, but then she squeezed her eyes shut again, clinging to him.

"Alright," he agreed, stroking her hair back, "No need to explain. Just rest, now. I'm here, and I can summon your father as well, if you wish."

Leia shook her head again, scooting closer to him, and he stiffened in spite of himself, not thrilled with the idea of her little limbs jabbing into his sensitive body.

"I left Daddy a note. He'll know where I am."

"I am not confident he will search your room for a note when he finds you missing," Vader sighed, accepting her as she pressed to his chest. "However, you may rest for a while, before we address that."

The girl sniffled again, and Vader let out his breath, resting his face in her hair as he felt her just breathe. She was scared, and hurt, but she was with him.

"It was only a bad dream, little one," he murmured. "I know you're frightened, but you're safe with me, I won't allow it to harm you. The galaxy is full of frightening things, but you are safe…"

He closed his eyes, drawing the Force safely around them, hiding them from the false air in the room, and the moonlight falling across his bed, and the technology monitoring him.

Right now, Leia was all that mattered. And her comfort, and the silence of holding a child in his arms. She was the galaxy, everything that mattered, and much that didn't, as well.

"Why don't you come with me," he offered, "And I will take us to a safe dream."

He didn't have many of those to offer, almost every positive thought he'd ever dared to have long having been corrupted.

But he couldn't help thinking that he could manage one last nice dream, for her.

"I will take you to meet my mother."

He felt her nod, and took a deep breath, trying to cast away years of neglect and cruelty, to remember the woman who had raised him, and the homestead where she had spent her last few years of freedom.

Tied as it was to bad memories, it must have helped to contact her spirit, as the Force so cruelly loved to connect him to Qui-Gon.

And there they were.

Himself, with his friend settled on his hip, standing in a courtyard, back on Tatooine. For a moment, Anakin cringed, feeling the suns beat down on him, and the sand threatening to get into his boots.

But the princess was looking around in fascination, daring to look up towards the sky, taking in the strange, cruel landscape, so different from her home planet.

"Mom!" Anakin called, taking an uncertain step, attempting to remember how to use organic legs as he stumbled further into the courtyard, towards the garage. He thought he remembered seeing a project of his mother's there.

"Mom, I'm home!"

The words trembled in his throat, and he grasped Leia closer to his chest as he finally managed to take a faster step, and fall into a clumsy, awkward run. Clinging too tight to Leia, his feet seeming to compete for the same ground, he pushed his way past a low wall, scrambling over another in his desperation to reach his mother.

He _knew_ she was here this time. This time, he really got to see her again, he would get to hold her and tell her how much he _loved_ her. He could introduce Leia to the person she'd been, not a fragile, thin memory of her.

"Mom!"

He pushed through the door, and there she was. Standing over her workbench, just looking up to see him.

His heart in his throat, he pushed forwards, aware of Leia gripping at his old Jedi robes, staring at the stranger in fascination.

"Mom," he gasped, one final time, and buried himself in her arms, Leia becoming caught in the middle. Her arms came around him, and he pressed his face into her neck, doubling up awkwardly to manage it, and breathing in her scent again at last.

She was real. She was with him. After so long trying, he had managed to get through to her, perhaps because he'd wanted it just as much for _Leia._

"Who's your friend?" Shmi asked, pulling back from Anakin's arms, to pinch Leia's cheek, making the girl giggle, and swat at her.

"Mom," Anakin said, hopping up to seat himself on her workbench, holding Leia's little hand, "This is Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan. She had a nightmare, and I thought she might like to meet someone who can keep her safe."

Shmi smiled at him, accepting the little girl's hand, and squeezing it gently.

"And… I wanted to see you again," he admitted, his throat compressing as he stared at her, framed by the trappings of a planet he hated, a planet that had _killed_ her, but the one she had called home.

"I am always happy to see you, Ahni," she smiled, and Anakin pressed his face into her palm as she stroked his cheek.

He wanted this back. He wanted a loving family again, something to share with the little princess, and someone to go home to when it was all over. He wished that there was an 'always', that other visits had worked out, and that there might be more.

"Why don't you tell me about your dream," Shmi offered Leia, bending to be more on her level.

Leia trustingly reached out, intertwining her fingers with Shmi's and looking shy and nervous.

"It was really bad," she mumbled, before making a sudden scramble for Shmi's arms.

Releasing her, Anakin scooted further back on the bench, making himself comfortable as he watched his mother cradle the girl in her arms.

"What happened?" Shmi asked, and Anakin closed his eyes, remembering when she'd spoken those same words to him, and struggling not to answer, not to tell her all the horrible things he had done, and beg her for her forgiveness.

"I was in my room," Leia said, "But it was all dark, and there was something wrong! I think there was a monster, an' it almost GOT me!"

"That sounds very scary," Shmi agreed softly, and Anakin rested his head back on the pinboard over the bench, trying to memorize every shift in her tone.

"But then I came to…" the girl paused, and Anakin realized he had never told her what to call him, "Ani? And it was okay…"

"My son is very good at that," Shmi assured her, and Anakin nearly let out a sob as his mother patted his knee.

He was _not_ good at making things okay, he wanted to cry. He was a _monster_ now, everything he and his mother had hated and feared when he had been a child, he now embodied. He backed the Empire, with its support of slavery, of murder, of genocide…

And now he wished Leia wasn't here, that he had been able to take himself to his mother alone. He wanted to tell her the truth, so she could be angry, and tell him how wrong he had been, and how to start making things right again.

"The monster was so slippery," Leia said, and Anakin exhaled, trying to simply listen to her fears, so he could attempt to calm them himself in the future. "I tried to grab it, but it was gonna get out, an' hurt Mommy and Daddy…"

Anakin sighed, taking his mother's hand in his own, and clinging to it for dear life, as though the mere physical contact could tell her what his words couldn't.

"It was so pale, an' gross… like a worm," Leia mumbled. "It was… was…. _Bad…_ "

"It sounds it," Shmi said, and Anakin managed to open his eyes, to see his mother cradling the trembling girl, slowly rocking her back and forth.

Anakin could hold back no longer.

"Mom? I… I wish you were still here," he croaked, slipping off the desk, and daring to slip into their hug. "I miss you so, so much…"

He felt her face pressed into his head, and choked on a sob, wrapping his arm around Leia, as something suddenly, horribly ripped at the fabric of their dream, threatening to tear him away from his mother all over again.

"It's Daddy," Leia said, and Vader felt her lean back, looking out through the back of the room. "He wants me." She turned back to him, concern written in her soft young features, "Do you want me to go back, and you stay here?"

Anakin managed to nod, pulling the girl close again. "Thank you, little one. Thank you for letting me see her once more."


	5. Chapter 5

Vader watched in fascination as the nurses hurriedly began reconfiguring his room to accommodate two beds.

This was highly unusual. He was certainly paying them enough to not be faced with a roommate, and besides, what had the poor helpless individual done to be sentenced to sharing a room with _him?_

He decided he wouldn't complain. Perhaps they had forgotten who he was, although that seemed unlikely. And besides, he had found himself appreciating company recently, although it had been only in the form of the princess. Perhaps another friend was possible, to share this time with.

That seemed absurd, but he caught himself hoping that it was the case. The idea of someone to share the long nights with, merely another being, reminding him that life in the galaxy still existed, despite his master's best attempts to destroy it all.

A nurse finished positioning a bed under another rack of devices, and came over to him, checking his vitals, before looking down into his face.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion," he said, "She asked to be with you."

Immediately, Vader's throat closed, and his respirator screamed in protest, the room's atmosphere having been drained for easier access.

The nurse looked horrified, diving for the tank, and fiddling with it as Vader tried to will his lungs into functioning at their already fairly useless usual level of efficiency. As soon as he managed to draw a breath, however, his whole body was wracked with horrible coughing, seeming determined to tear his throat up and out of his body.

The _princess!_ It had to be Leia, there was no one else in the GALAXY who would ask to be with him! What had happened, he needed her to be alright, he needed to see her, where was she? If it was so urgent as to put her in hospital, where _was she!_

There was a sudden shock, and his body shook, before falling back to the bed, slack, his mind half blank.

"Lord Vader," the nurse said again, and Vader looked up at him in pathetic helplessness.

"The… princess…"

His thoughts were beginning to come back, in patches, and shaky feelings.

He knew it was for his own good that they would evoke that sometimes, that he had been in danger, but he wished nonetheless that he could return to his panicked state. He had felt _close_ to something in those moments, a realization, or perhaps an idea of how to help the princess. Now he couldn't think what kind of help he could have possibly offered when he hadn't even been told what was-

The nurse backed away suddenly, looking to the door, and Vader struggled to make his eyes focus.

The lava had ruined them too, like it had ruined every other part of him, and he hadn't been wearing his glasses to watch the movement in his room, caring only for the vague motion.

But now he needed to see the room, to see the stretcher rush in, and her little form huddled on it, so much too small…

But no. Whatever that blur at the door was, it was no stretcher.

At most… it seemed… a man?

He squinted, his face aching at the motion, but too worried to care.

Was the princess alright?

It seemed against protocol to have her carried…

But then, the person was walking over to him, and he slowly saw him resolve enough to be recognizable as the viceroy.

"Bail," he gasped, desperately hoping his voice was loud enough, before looking to the nurse. "My glasses, please."

The nurse jumped to obey him, snatching the glasses from his bedside table, and unfolding them.

Vader squeezed his eyes shut as they were lowered onto his face, before opening his eyes again, looking to Bail as he waved the nurses off to finish their work.

The princess was curled in his arms, unconscious. She looked so small and helpless, against her father's chest, and Vader ached for her. Shakily, he managed to move his bed into a more upright position, and reached out in desperation for the girl.

To his surprise, Bail seated himself on the edge of the bed, and rolled Leia's slack form towards Vader.

Shaking in fear of hurting his friend, Vader reached out again, daring to brush his fingertips over the little girl's slack cheek.

"What…" he asked. His throat wasn't working properly, and he didn't know if it was pain from his coughing earlier, or mere terror.

"She was playing," Bail explained to him, slowly lowering his daughter into Vader's arms, and revealing a cast over almost the entirety of her right arm, "And fell."

Vader closed his eyes, tucking his forehead to the little girl as he cradled her. He reached out in the Force, in the bond that their time together had built, against his better judgement. He wanted to be reassured in ways that the senator couldn't, to know that she was alright.

Her presence was tiny, so much smaller than the nebula it usually seemed, as though it too was curled in some greater protection.

But it was there.

Feeling tears squeezing from his eyes, he wrapped his presence around her, holding her safely against himself, gently prodding her presence.

At his touch, it moved slightly, as if drowsily shoving him away so she could continue her sleep.

"A-alright," he gasped, withdrawing to look at her physical body again.

"It was only a break," Bail told him, reaching out to caress his daughter's head. "But surgery was required, and they recommended that she stay the night."

"She… asked to be… with me?" Vader asked.

His voice was working all wrong again, he noted with irritation. When he spoke to Leia, he had seemed almost capable of speaking normally, as he had before his battle with Kenobi, but now, when he wanted so desperately to communicate quickly and clearly, his damned injuries were acting up, and keeping him from questioning Bail as easily as he'd like.

"It was quite a fall, and she was making demands the entire way to the hospital," Bail told him, and Vader was suddenly treated to something he hadn't seen since his turn.

The man smiled.

Bail Organa was not a man that Vader would usually see smiling. He rarely saw _anyone_ smile, but he had been certain that his change in demeanour had meant that he would never again see his old friends smile.

But, there it was.

A smile he hadn't seen since Bail had cornered him on his way out of Padmé's apartment, and given him a knowing look that had made his friendly, gentle smile almost seem like a smirk, as if he was quietly laughing at their lack of subtlety.

He felt almost as though he would be returning home to Obi-Wan, who would make snide comments about his absence, but ultimately not act on Anakin's indiscretion.

Sighing at the memories, he leaned back, looking down at the little girl in his arms.

Perhaps this was what it would have one day been like.

If he had continued to grow, he would have seen his friends begin to have children, even if he and Padmé had had the good sense not to.

It was a strange reminder that time still passed.

Trapped in a body so damaged that _age_ hardly made a difference to its appearance or functioning, and interacting only with strangers who he either never saw again, or whose aging he promptly halted, it was easy to believe that perhaps, no time had passed at all.

In his arms, Leia moved slightly, her cast dragging her arm from where it rested on her lap. Her face seemed slightly worried, and Vader couldn't help smiling as he tucked her arm back to her stomach.

This was such an innocent injury, and it was so easy to comfort her. He supposed she'd slipped, as was bound to happen to children, regardless of their situation.

"You're safe, little one…"

For a long moment, he simply lay still, relishing the fact that Leia was healthy enough to rest in his arms, feeling her heart beat under his palm, before the darkness of his eyelids seemed to sink a few notches and he let out a small sigh.

"Thank you."

He shifted his hands again, running one through his little one's hair as he tried to breathe normally. "Thank you for not telling her, for letting me have this…"

Bail didn't respond, and Vader froze for a second, his heart pounding before he nervously opened his eyes, "You do… know who I am, don't you?"

The senator gave a slow, grave nod.

"Why are you letting me care for her?" Vader asked, suddenly feeling curiosity chewing at the pit of his stomach. People did not simply offer him kindnesses. That had never been the galaxy's policy when it came to him.

"She chose you," Bail said, and for a moment, Vader vividly remembered the first day the princess had entered his room, rightly insisting that he was lonely.

"She did," he agreed. "But why would you let her, you know what I've _done_."

Bail shifted slightly, his gaze still on his daughter's face.

"I have never known Leia to be wrong in an assessment of a person. If she wishes to be with you, I am willing to believe that she has seen something I have not been able to."

"I appreciate it," Vader said slowly.

It was strange to admit that there was something in this galaxy that still made him happy, that made his life remotely worth living, but the little girl did. It felt so good, to have someone to protect and love once again.

"She means… the galaxy to me," he sighed, resting his head back once again, and allowing himself to just feel the little girl's presence. "I swear to you, I would never harm her."

"Didn't you make the same promise to Padmé," Bail said, and Vader felt his heart stutter to a halt, squeezing Leia closer as he stared blindly across the room.

How could Bail _know?_ His relation to Padmé was _unknowable_ , nothing about him could be traced back to Anakin Skywalker. There was absolutely no reason to suspect that Anakin hadn't been reduced to just another decimated corpse on the steps of the Jedi Temple.

Vader had never had contact with Padmé, he'd even kept himself from visiting her grave.

But… he was in hospital, they had run tests and there had been so many opportunities for a blood test to be completed, matched against Jedi records that he _knew_ the Alliance still held!

"You can't-," he gasped, his breath not strong enough as tears pressed against his eyes.

He couldn't have himself associated with Padmé, couldn't leave such a stain on her memory.

"You can't tell anyone!" he plead, clinging to Leia.

If he was found out, the galaxy would be destabilized, he would lose his station and the respect people grudgingly held for him. He hated being Vader, but it was all he had left, and he couldn't bear to lose it too.

He couldn't stand to taint Padmé's memory. He couldn't have her beautiful face, and powerful personality eclipsed by a marriage to a monster.

"Why have you treated Leia like this?" Bail asked, and though his words were merely a little more urgent than usual, Vader could feel them drilling into his brain.

He was being questioned, interrogated for answers he didn't have, and he was afraid that he would blurt out the wrong thing, and lose Leia forever.

"She _chose_ me," he croaked, clinging tighter to her. _Don't take her away, I need her... She's the closest thing I have left to family, or anything else good!_

"She will not join your empire," Bail continued, and Vader cringed at the words.

"I would not ask her to, Bail," he said, and he found some courage in the other's name, remembering Padmé speaking it, offhanded, as they'd walked. "She is…" he trailed away, still struggling for words to express his fondness for the girl, before he closed his eyes, and whispered, "Padmé was pregnant."

"I know," Bail answered, sharply, "I helped to bury her, a duty you did not take."

"I was under reconstruction," Vader said. He thought he would have liked to look up, to meet his once-friend's eyes, and be recognized again, but he found himself incapable. "And I would not have her associated with what I had become."

He fingered Leia's hair, half fallen from its styling. "You know who I was before, Bail… I can never be Anakin again, but… when I hold Leia… It's something… Please, don't take her away."

He dared to look up at Bail, "I will do anything, just to be allowed to care for her. Your dealings with the Alliance, I'll hide them. Any debts you owe, paid. _Anything_."

"All this, for a child who chose your room at random?" Bail asked, looking too politely confused.

The expression ripped at Vader's patience. _Yes,_ he would do that for her. _No,_ he didn't care she was only a child. _Yes,_ he knew he didn't deserve her. _Yes,_ he wanted to deserve her more than anything else in the _galaxy!_

But what he said was just, "How many would?"


	6. Chapter 6

For a long while, Bail sat at Vader's side, keeping an eye on Leia, fatherly concern radiating from him. As the sun began to rise outside the window, he stood, stroking Leia's head one last time, before stepping from the room.

Sighing, Vader adjusted his arms around the princess as she slumbered on.

He couldn't sleep. Didn't want to sleep. Sleep was easy to come by, here, to the point where he had become bored with it. He was accustomed to operating on almost no sleep whatsoever, and there was very little operating required of him.

Instead, he focused on Leia, their minds intertwined completely such that he could anticipate her every moment of discomfort, and address it before she was even truly aware of it.

She gave a little whimper, trying to move her arm, and Vader quickly scooted her to the new position she desired, folding the blankets around her for the thousandth time.

This was what it could have been, he thought. If he had only been wise enough to _abandon_ the Jedi, and run away with Padmé, as she had requested. He could have committed his entire self, the composite of all his power and skills to simply caring for his little one.

"Daddy?" Leia mumbled, and Vader looked down at her as her eyes slowly opened.

"He has returned to the palace," he informed her, gently brushing a stray hair from her forehead as he met her eyes.

"Oh," she whispered, her nose wrinkling with confusion, and her shaky free hand reaching up to carefully touch his nose, bumping his glasses askew.

He smiled, not bothering to correct them yet, instead folding her little hand in his before she could smudge the lenses, "Still a little woozy, hm?"

"Mhmm…" she mumbled, and Vader allowed her to tug herself right up against his chest. "Think I hurt my… arm…" she continued, the words seeming to come slowly to her.

"Yes," Vader agreed, slowly moving her fingertips, where they protruded from the cast. "But you have been treated, and you will regain your full range of motion in time. It is only a temporary situation."

"Shouldn't'a climbed so high," Leia said, clumsily looping her casted arm around Vader's neck as she pressed herself ever closer to him.

Vader shook his head slightly, tightening his arms around her little body. "It was only a fall. You know to be more careful in the future, don't you?"

"I guess…" she whispered, before letting out a tortured groan, " _Winter_ saw me fall… She told me not to climb so high!"

Vader chuckled, before quickly getting his laughter under control at a prickle of indignation from Leia. "You are still children. One day, Winter will make some mistakes of her own, and you needn't be embarrassed that yours came first."

Leia gave a little sigh, her arms loosening, and little body beginning to slide back again, "I guess… She did slip in the river, once."

And now, the little girl was giggling drowsily, falling back to Vader's lap, and leaning back to look up at him.

"And I tried to catch her, and I fell in, too!"

Vader smiled, reaching for the controls for the bed.

Now that the princess was awake, and giggling away, he was beginning to feel tired. But as his hand fell on the controls, Leia made a scramble for the floor and disappeared over the edge of the bed, before her head popped up again, bright eyes meeting his.

"I wanna go to the garden!"

"The garden?" he asked, barely keeping a groan from his voice.

He thought he was doing pretty well sitting up with her all night, in his current state. Their afternoon out in the garden had been nice, and the exposure to living things had been a welcome change of pace, but he was already aching from the movement of holding the girl.

"I… I don't think I can, Princess," he sighed, his heart stuttering at the disappointment in her face. He was meant to protect her, it was the only job that mattered, and Force knew he had pushed through worse for Palpatine! He had to show her the same dedication, he was worthless and unworthy of her affection if he couldn't!

Tensing up, he struggled to push his legs over the side of the bed. He couldn't let her down.

"Wait!" Leia squeaked, and Vader's heart pressed into his throat.

He should've stayed quiet, and not admitted to his weakness. Now the princess was aware of it, her treatment of him would change, and he had ruined the peace of their walk.

"Stand back," he said, waving her off, before remembering the friendly way she spoke to him, and trying to echo her sweetness, "I… am not fully in control of my body, at the moment.

"I don't want you to be hurt…" she whispered, her good arm reaching for his hand as she heaved the cast up next to him.

"I have already been injured," Vader insisted, trying to block out a sudden swelling of unreal colours in his vision as he stumbled to his feet.

Maybe, he contemplated, groping blindly for her hand, this was it. Maybe he was finally falling apart.

A week ago, he had taken her in his arms, and carried her to the 'fresher, and while it had not been an easy journey, he had been able to accomplish it.

Now, he stood on his own two feet, with no added weight, and his eyes ceased to function at all, and his head swum, and the galaxy seemed to be fading away.

His state had not improved.

He took an uncertain step forwards, desperate to follow the little girl's wishes, to reassure himself that he was as committed to the girl he cared for as he was to the master he served.

He had to be. Had to be!

Leia was his only autonomous choice, the only task he had taken on because _he_ wished to. Every other mission, every other breath, or step, or heartbeat was mandated by Palpatine, but he had _chosen_ to care for Leia!

He took a deep breath, and forced his eyes to clear, though his head pulsed with pain, and he saw a flash of horror on his friend's face.

"The gardens," he forced out, taking another unsteady step. "C-coming up."

The princess had his hand now, clinging to it in a terror that only worsened the pain in his skull. He thought the girl might have been speaking, but the words were far beyond lost on him.

Nothing was real. His body wasn't, and his mind wasn't, and the room wasn't, and the little girl, his only friend, could have been nothing more than his fevered mind.

But even if she was only that, he had to please her. Even if she was only a task he had invented to keep himself from madness, he had to do as she wished, if only to keep the illusion from breaking.

Three more shuffling steps, and he reached the breath mask that allowed him to survive outside of the room, and its oxygen tank.

His hands shaking violently, and range of view limited to only them, he fumbled with the strap of mask for a long moment, before managing to pull it over his head.

Taking a faltering breath, he reached out with the hand not held by the princess, and managed, after a couple of fumbling misses, to grab the handle, and haul it after them.

He didn't know if the girl was trying to hold him back, or if it was only the oxygen tank that kept their pace to a crawl. It didn't matter. Through his haze, he held back medics and onlookers alike with the Force, unwilling to let them interrupt his time with Leia.

He couldn't see her, his vision having washed back out to a dark, almost-black redness. He thought his eyes were open, but he wasn't confident.

Stumbling steps took him through the entrance hall, where he had met her that day. It seemed so long ago, and he remembered longingly watching her through blurred eyes, his glasses forgotten at his bedside in his eagerness to see her.

Now, he was so clearly not meant to be out of bed that the viceroy's warning would have been unnecessary. Even other patients, in their similarly weakened states stared at him in shock and horror.

And he must have _seemed_ a horror. A monster, lurching along, blind, dragging a little girl behind him.

 _I'm not a monster_ , he thought desperately, pulling Leia again, and managing to grip her shoulder, keeping her at his side. _She wanted to walk. I'm trying…_ The words wouldn't come to his addled brain. _I'm trying…_

He was just trying to please her. And he knew she wasn't pleased, her voice fading in and out of his awareness, never for long enough to understand more than a fragment of a plea for him to stop.

Reaching the steps down to the garden path, he stumbled to a halt, torturously reminded of his blunder into the fence on their last visit.

He had felt weak then, but compared to today…

"I wanna go back!" Leia's voice cut through his mind suddenly, sounding as if she had been crying.

"You wanted…" he took a heaving breath, "To walk."

"I wanna go back!" she cried again, and he felt her grip on his hand tighten as she attempted to haul him back.

"We're walking," he said, and even to his own unclear ears, he sounded helpless.

He was pleading with her, begging her to let this be okay.

This wasn't the relationship he'd wanted to have with her. Until today, everything they did had been pleasant, friendly, mutually desired. But now, all he wanted to do was lie still, and let himself fade away, and he knew she wouldn't want that.

Or. He prayed she wouldn't.

He prayed she still wanted him to hold her hand, and kiss her forehead, and love her. He prayed that he could still please her, even if this attempt didn't seem to be working.

"Please."

"You're scaring me," she whispered, but she had stopped pulling, and he took it as a sign that he could begin to walk again.

"I… am frightened… as well," he panted. "I… am not… strong enough."

His feet caught on a brick, and there was a horrible scraping noise of metal on clay as he stumbled, finding his posture becoming more hunched. He must have looked like Grevious.

At the thought, he couldn't help remembering facing the cyborg, tossing easy quips, and standing tall and proud. He had had so much, then. Obi-Wan at his side, Padmé waiting down below…

And now it was gone.

He gasped with pain as they exited the manicured flower garden, stumbling onto a new path, around the fields.

His head spinning, and legs threatening to give out, he desperately tried to find the tree they'd sat under, as he had calmed her. He wanted to go back, even just to that day, to have the strength to smile at her again.

He had thought, then, that he had lost everything, and at the realization, he forced himself to stop the train of thought.

No. He still hadn't lost everything.

Finding a bench ahead, he stumbled to it, the oxygen tank clattering loudly enough that he could hear it over the buzzing in his ears, before he dropped to the bench, his eyes falling closed before he could see the girl follow him.

He still had Leia, he thought, reaching for her, and barely feeling her accept his offer, crawling daintily into his arms.

He still had Leia…

Choking again on the enriched air, he folded his head down to hers, needing to feel her with what remained of his every sense.

He was going to lose her, too. He would be taken away, and returned to duty. Or, perhaps, he would simply waste away, and die here. A part of him had hoped for that, to just get to die with a friend at hand, a familiar face to smile for, a person for who's sake he could be strong.

But now, that seemed to be tearing towards him. He was really going to die here, wasn't he?

He gagged again, and felt Leia tremble in his arms.

He'd thought he was ready! He'd thought it would be a _relief,_ but it wasn't. He didn't want Leia to watch him fade away, ever thinking he did had been cruel and selfish!

And that was all he was, he thought, clumsily managing to twirl her hair in his fingertips, and looking down at her cast.

She didn't even want this walk, anymore. He had only fallen back to trying to get what he wanted, in the guise of aiding another. As he had done to Padmé.

"I'm sorry," he choked, brushing his fingertips against her cheek. "I… I…"

The words escaped him, and he stilled, hunched over her little form.

Around him, he felt strangers, pulling at him and the girl, before he heard a familiar voice, and a pair of gentle hands pulled his arms away from his friend, Bail's voice cutting through the crowd.

He'd let them come, he thought, feeling tears trace down his cheeks as he felt Leia's bright, sustaining light drawn away.

He had tried to hold them back, to care for Leia one last time, but he had faltered, and let them come.

"Pr…protect her," Vader managed, his body limp as the medics folded him back from the protective cocoon he had made himself for her.

 _Don't make her watch_ , he begged. _Don't make her see this happen. I should never have got to know her… Don't let me hurt her any more_.


	7. Chapter 7

Trigger Warning: Surgery! Nothing super graphic (at least, I don't think so? but it's super up for debate) but like... it happens.

The next time Vader glimpsed consciousness, he was back in the hospital, lying on a gurney as ceiling panels passed overhead. His mind foggy and unfocused, he attempted to ground himself with that motion, counting the tiles as medics chattered around him.

He was used to this. This was just business as usual. Another effort would be made to preserve his life, and if he knew Palpatine's efforts, it would take away another chunk of comfort, and fill the hole it left with outdated, inefficient, uncomfortable mechanics.

And that would be the end of his stay. He would be hammered back into a useable state, and pushed back to the front lines until _these_ repairs gave way, as so many others already had.

He closed his eyes again, feeling empty already, where Leia had been taken from his arms.

It was the end of his time with her as well, and he had no idea how Bail would explain away his disappearance. Would he be kind enough to Vader to tell her that he had healed enough to go home, or would he tell her that he had died?

 _Please, don't tell her that_ , he plead internally, writhing, as he often did waking up from nightmares hoping that just proving he was still alive could protect Leia from hearing that. _I… I still want to send her plants. I promised._

And then he cast himself out to the Force, to the thin, undeveloped bond they shared. _I am alive, Princess,_ he assured her. _I am still here, little one._

From her end, he felt a terrified pulse back, before the gurney rattled to a halt, and Vader wheezed again, struggling to open his eyes and see what had happened.

They had stopped at the door to a surgery, double doors seeming to loom over him as he worked his fists, trying to supress the memories of other visits to surgeries, other hospital stays and brief recoveries, and returns to service.

It had been unusual that he had had the opportunity to take a break long enough to meet Leia at all, presumably because Palpatine hadn't wanted to deal with his failed servant, and had left him here to stagnate until he was required again.

He wished the princess were nearby, he realized. He let out a small breath as the doors finally opened, and his gurney began to trundle into the blindingly white light.

Would they bother to sedate him, this time?

He was letting out another breath, and struggling to disassociate enough to hide from the pain when there was a sudden indignant shout, and the medics turned away from him, looking back through the door.

"I'm going too!" the voice shouted, and Vader took an unsteady breath as he recognized his friend's voice.

"Leia, it's not safe for you to-," Bail began.

"Please," Vader croaked, unsure if his voice would even be loud enough to carry through the breath mask. "Please."

"He's scared…" Leia whispered, and Vader cowered as he felt her hands reaching for his, her weight shaking the gurney as she threw herself up towards him.

"Princess, you can't stay with him just because he's _frightened,"_ Bail tried to dissuade her, and Vader managed to turn his head towards them to see Bail gently trying to lead her away by her free hand as she clung to him, wide eyed.

"He doesn't wanna be ALONE!" she insisted again, pulling her hand from his, and gripping Vader's with it as well. Then she turned her pleading gaze on a medic, "Can't I stay with him? Just 'till he's asleep?"

Vader didn't have the heart or the breath to tell her that there was a pretty good chance that he wouldn't be going under, so he instead focused on the medic's face. He didn't know if this would look pleading, or if he had become foggy enough that it would seem directionless. Did the man know who he was? Was there a threat that the morning would come with a revelation that Darth Vader had come to need a little girl to go into surgery with him?

"There is the preparation period…" the medic said slowly, turning to Bail. "We'll need to remove the hubs, recalibrate his blood chemistry, and ensure that he is able to go under safely. There would be no risk of contamination."

Vader shivered at the thought of Leia witnessing the removal of his prosthetic hubs, ground into his bone as they were, but he couldn't help feeling a prick of curiosity. Why did they have to come off at all? They were not the source of any issues yet, if his ability to walk with Leia had been indicative.

"I wanna stay," Leia said, and Vader turned his mind back to her, watching as she made her appeal to her father.

For a long moment, Bail looked over her head at him, and he desperately tried to make his pleading visible in his eyes, uselessly reaching, one-armed, for the princess.

Then the viceroy sighed, crouching down, and holding his arms out to Leia. "Alright, Leia, but you have to promise you'll come out again, when he has to have his surgery."

For a second, Leia hesitated, slowly playing with Vader's thumb, before nodding seriously, and allowing her father to lift her. "Alright."

Vader scrabbled stupidly to maintain his grip on her hand, and she turned to him, smiling in confusion as she was seated next to him.

Vader managed a weak smile in return, before wincing as the cart was bumped, and he was forced to become aware of the medics again, as they began to prepare for their work.

"Don't be scared," Leia said, and Vader trembled, yanked back to her wide eyes and calm voice. That… that had had to be the Force. She was using it to comfort him… Curious, he reached out to her, prodding gently at the little girl's mind. Immediately, her face was lit up, and she giggled, and Vader felt her presence writhe with her laugher, squirming away as if he had tickled it.

Which seemed like an excellent distraction, now that he thought about it.

Throwing all his instinctive desire for control to the wind, he blocked out the galaxy, and released her presence, letting it laughingly flicker itself away from his a bit, before diving after it, wrapping it in darkness, and twirling it around.

A corner of his mind recognized her laughter in the real world, and he shook it off, desperate to free himself from all ties to reality as he tossed her presence around again.

It was strange, this other world was so abstract, so impossible, unintelligible to the vast majority of the galaxy… But it felt so right and real to play with her like this, prodding her as he had once teased Ahsoka.

"Princess?" he asked, lowering her back to her own corporeal awareness.

For a long second, there was silence, and he sighed, beginning to assume that she couldn't hear him yet, before she answered, her voice soft, charged with curiosity , "Yes?"

"Your power is incredible," he complimented her, teasing at the luminous edges of her presence again. "I am sorry I was not able to teach you more."

"You still can," she offered innocently, and now a thin streak of light reached out to him in return, prodding at his own writhing darkness.

Allowing her to reach towards the heart of his haze, he shook a few waving tendrils of darkness at her sadly. "I will be returning to my own planet, once the surgery has been completed."

At that, her presence withdrew, its curious beams retracting, and light flickering, as though she was blinking in confusion.

"I have been pressed past the point of requiring a recovery period," he explained softly to her, reaching out to her once more, his mind caressing hers. "I am accustomed to it, but I regret that I will not be able to remain with you."

There was a sudden tug on his consciousness, and Vader gasped, his eyes springing open as a medic wrapped a cool, damp towel around his left arm, and Vader dived back into the Force, wanting to hide himself in the little girl's light. In reality, she had slumped, her arm resting over Vader's stomach, but here she was bright, and awake.

"I believe that once I have some time, I might purchase you a plant from my wife's planet," he offered her, drawing her light against himself, and reaching out to the galaxy at large, Naboo floating before them, as it had all those years ago, when Anakin had first seen it.

"One with flowers?" Leia asked, and Vader threw them in, closer to the planet, down to a familiar cottage on a lake, and through the grounds, Leia drawn along with him, searching for a perfect plant.

Feeling the uncomfortable draw of more cloths, this time wrapped around the prosthetic mounts for his legs, he struggled to remain in the facsimile he had created, the vague colours and shapes of the garden resolving themselves as he held them out for the princess's appraisal.

There was movement at his arm again, and he drew the princess's light against himself in desperation, struggling to resolve every petal of the head of flowers he held, before there was a sudden rending, and the garden and its flowers fell away with his scream of pain.

Panting, he turned to see that the mount had been pulled loose from the bracket it had attached to, ready to be removed entirely. A medic stepped forwards, precise drill in hand, ready to begin removal of the plates, but Vader shook his head.

"My legs… next…" he panted, and the medics turned to him, even as he felt Leia's hands tighten in his hospital gown, frightened by the change to her friend.

"Are you aware of the extent of the surgeries you're about to undergo?" a medic asked, seeming to take on the position of head surgeon as he slowly touched Vader's head.

Vader shook his head, pulling his right arm around Leia, gripping her shoulder tightly. It seemed these medics had no idea of his identity, given the slow caress he was receiving in a misguided attempt at comfort.

"It is… of no importance…" he said, "I will take what has been chosen for me."

"It's gonna be okay," Leia whispered, her fists twisting his gown tighter around themselves. "Daddy said."

"It will," Vader croaked, stroking her head slowly, his stump automatically moving as if it still had a hand with which to cradle her. "It always has been."

At his words, the princess closed her eyes, nestling her cheek comfortably against his stomach. "Mmm…"

"Alright," Vader murmured, closing his own eyes as he continued to focus on the motion of stroking the little girl's hair.

Vaguely feeling motion around one leg, he gritted his teeth, but hardly felt its sudden separation from his body. As the second one was removed, he hardly tensed, his remaining hand stilling comfortably on Leia's shoulder.

"Will the plates be similarly painless?" he asked uncertainly, looking up at the chief medic.

The man shrugged, "If that's what you want to call a fairly major surgery."

"For now, I do," Vader said, looking down at Leia, who had lifted her head to watch the conversation. "You have a little longer before you must return to your father."

She frowned slightly, gripping his arm with one hand, "I don't wanna go."

Vader smiled, and risked letting the medics see him use the Force to draw her closer, until she leaned against his chest instead. "You will have to. They will require a sterile environment for this, and little girls are far from sparkling clean," he teased, wiping some dirt from her face with his thumb. It must've happened while they'd been out in the gardens, and he had been blinded by pain, and his determination to please her…

"Awww…" Leia said, and Vader laughed sharply at the sarcastic sparkle in her eyes as she flopped her entire body over his.

"Alright, we're gonna start removal," the medic said, sounding bemused.

"You do that," Vader answered lightly, sticking his tongue between his teeth, and awkwardly moving the stump of his arm to poke Leia's forehead.

"Nooooo…" Leia giggled, pushing him back off, before reaching for his face, pressing a cool hand against his nose as he laughed in return.

He barely heard the drill starting up, fully focused on getting his remaining hand through Leia's flailing defences to tickle her again.

Before he knew it, the vague whine of the drill had ceased, and Bail was back in the room, trying to lift a still-giggly Leia out of his arms. At her loss, Vader nearly begged to have her remain, but managed to hold it back, instead just pushing himself upright for long enough to kiss her head.

"We'll see your friend before he goes," Bail promised Leia, her little hands slipping as she tried to hold onto Vader.

"We…" Vader hesitated, startled, "We will?"

For just a second, Bail met his eyes again, and nodded slowly. "We will. I've made the arrangements."


End file.
